Promises, vows, duty, responsibility, rite of passage, reproduction, and family
What if we did not consider any of these words when we humans get married?
I'm in a transition phase, where I am about to marry the boy-who-turned-into-a-man whilst dating me for seven years (we were fifteen when we became boyfriend and girlfriend - so for me, girl-into-woman). We have been engaged for almost a year now and will be having that thing called a wedding in three months.
As an engaged person - to be married that is - I have read several articles and heard from several friends their perspective on marriage. It's been fascinating really, but it has only shown me how different my view of marriage is. Call me unrealistic, but hey, we have kept a strong partnership going for 7 years and there has not been any huge bumps in the road, and in fact, not even that many minor ones. Especially that I recall in the last few years of being together. But in truth, this view I have seems so much more real to me in my reality than any other view of marriage.
When bumps came along for us, they showed up as a result of personal growth. Personal growth, both he and I know, are essential for our growth as a unit.
The words I italicized at the top, these are what people associate with marriage the most. I don't.
If I were to describe the marriage I'm about to enter, it's going to look like this:
No expectations. Support, Friendship, Love, and Intimacy, all without obligation. Adventuring. Experiencing. Growing.
I'm in love with this man, but we do not need each other. I joyfully choose to be with him, and I don't expect him to make money for both of us, to give me children, to do the dishes, to clean up after himself, etc. People who are awake and alive, well life flows for them. The focus is on our personal growth, and as individuals, what we both want most is to awaken and keep expanding as individuals.
Here's a good way of putting it, and a lot of this ties into my spiritual beliefs, and his - if I am focusing on my personal growth and feeding my soul, physical health, and mind with love, then my perspective can be controlled about everything. Any anger or frustration I feel would be the result of me losing control over myself and others. Any loneliness I feel would be a result of me depending on others for my happiness and placing the responsibility on them to make me happy. Any hurt I feel would be me denying the responsibility for my own feelings. No one can hurt me without my permission. Any self-pity I have would be me indulging in helplessness as a luxury. (Emotion descriptions realized from reading compassionatedragon.com/emotions). The point is, I control me, and he controls himself. If we constantly analyzed each other's emotions and reactions, we're stunting our growth by forgetting to look at ourselves and learn from what we do. We love loving ourself, our god/spirit, and others.
To end, I just want to say that it is possible to be in a relationship where you do not make promises to each other and still remain happy. That doesn't mean we're going to go out and break each others hearts and accept no responsibility for it. It means we love without limitations. I'm not sure yet what he and I will say at the wedding ceremony, in the place where people typically say their vows, but one thing is for sure and the most important for us - if I have one wish for him, it is that he love himself unconditionally. There is nothing better than a heart without any burden, guilt, or shame, that faces towards the sun and glides towards it with an understanding that all in this world is perfect, we choose to be here in love, and we love our source of love more than anything. And I know his wish for me is the same, that I love myself unconditionally, because to him there is nothing more beautiful than a woman without shame, attachments, and burden, who lives knowing that she is beautiful just because of who she is - the god she comes from, that he comes from.
So that is my perspective on marriage. I feel love. I think love. I am love.
Thank you for allowing me to share. =D
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